literature

leavetaking

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Daily Deviation

February 16, 2012

leavetaking by ~Avallynh Suggester Writes: This is one of those poems where the overall impact is heightened by the semantics, the use of intricate and beautiful lexis, and the imagery throughout which leaves you almost breathless. It's wonderfully written, with the format and structure again leaving the reader feeling sensitive and touched.

Featured by BeccaJS

Suggested by the-photographicpoet

Avallynh

Published: Aug 14, 2011

8.3K Views

Literature Text

i.
the world is brighter where
dregs of strangers' revels remain --
i keep this half-light for my own.

ii.
i'll stay until the wind sighs a scotch-and-smoke
cliché, til the Muscadet's slipped from the lip
of my wayward
hello.

(i know you're there before you do.)
iii.
your night is told in
patchouli-pulse wanders; mine,
in whorls of liqueur-breath. come
close and i'll find the warp
through the weft, the trails telling tales
in synaesthesia --

Platinum Blonde's been 'round and gone.

iv. (-- closer, find syllables strewn in an exhale's wake; stolen from my throat- ful of careless farewells, spin and sway and beg you stay.)

v.
time enough for a kiss-
and-never-tell, for a stumbling waltz
to the dissonance of crystal-shatter odes
to the summerlong i knew you --

we were(n't) meant for more than this.

vi.
morning goes right through you,

and breathes a thousand fortunes in-
to shards of (our) stranger starfall.

leavetaking
(c) Avallynh on deviantART, 2011

EDIT 16/2/12: A Daily Deviation, courtesy of, and with fondest thanks to, *the-photographicpoet and ^Beccalicious

scenes from a parting.
^{goodbyes are overrated, and i never broke that wineglass.
^{fictionfictionfiction}}

^{this one's been a longlong time coming.}

Comments and Critique^{I'd love your thoughts on
the feel of the piece; the imagery: does it tell half a story?
the flow, from splice to splice -- there is meant to be an element of slight, only slight disjunction.
the ending, and what it leaves you with.

Also, I'd love a better title if you've got one to suggest.}
Critique for

Copyright Notice

This work is copyrighted and is NOT part of the public domain. It is NOT to be copied, printed, edited, transmitted, archived, reproduced or redistributed in any manner without my prior written permission.